top of page

Sometimes Fighting Is A Must: An IVF Journey

By: Phillipa Dean

Every young girl doesn’t desire to one day become a mother. Then there are those of us who do. Rarely do we think that becoming a mother would not happen naturally or easily for us. That’s until the harsh reality stares us right in the face.

I had reached the point in my life where I had accomplished much of what I desired, planned, and worked diligently for but my greatest desire was about to become my hardest fight. So I upped my game spiritually, mentally, and physically. Boxing gloves on. I was ready for this fight or at least I thought I was.

Round 1 - Your doctor stares you in the face and bluntly says I am sorry. The lump in your throat, the tightening of your stomach, and the burning in your chest is as real as your husband’s arm that embraces a devastated you.

Lesson learned: I am not the giver of life.

Round 2 - You’ve been in this fight some time now. Truth be told, doubt and hope are neck and neck. Your doctor walks in. The disbelief on her face, blinding. She shakes her head and gives the knock out blow again. I am sorry, I don’t know what to say.

Lesson learned: My doctor is not the giver of life.

I watched babies having babies, counseled abused children, and the mothers who struggled to care for them. I’ve helped family, friends, and strangers raise their kids. Wasn’t I sowing seeds in good soil? They were watered from my well of tears. Still my cradle was empty. Life wasn’t fighting fairly but I remained in the fight.

Down for the count and the crowd’s asking, “when are you going to have a child?”

Round 3

You wait. You wait. This is a familiar place. Your nurse hands over the results. You’re reading it. This can’t be happening. For a brief moment comprehension escapes you and then......

Lesson Learned: Yahweh is the giver of LIFE!

Nineteen months later our faith and works manifested in the birth of our healthy baby girl Madison. Her name means gift, fighter and mighty battle.

Madison's first Valentine's Day; pictured with IVF needles used to conceive her.

Madison's 2nd Christmas with mommy!

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

To every person male and female struggling with infertility, although I’ve walked that path I don’t know exactly what you are going through but I do know this, Life doesn’t fight fairly. You just keep fighting and believing. Own your story. Let not fear, disappointment, stigma, shame, or lack of resources win or make you feel that you are not enough. You are enough. You just want more to share it with.

To every fertile male and female, remember those who are sensitive, be supportive and be informed.



About The Author

"The greatest desire one could seek to achieve is to have one's actions outrun their words"

- Phillipa Dean

Phillipa is a highly sought-after speaker, emcee, author, behavioral therapist and counselor at The Bahamas Crisis Center. She is also the founder of The Dignified Girl Project, a non-profit organization that provides free feminine care packages to young girls living in the inner city communities.

Phillipa has a Master’s degree in Forensic Psychology and a Bachelor’s degree in Education.

Her 12 years spent as a teacher in the public school system, proved to be the stepping stone in cementing her passion for community education and outreach.

With more than a decade of experience as an educator, she is a master presenter who has not only dominated her craft through engaging, creative, practical and energetic presentations – but has influenced hundreds to work to pursue better personal, civic, and professional living. Phillipa has a unique ability to excite, inspire and connect with youth and adult audiences.

To learn more about her civic work and public speaking services, log onto You can also follow The Dignified Girl Project on Facebook for upcoming events and community give back opportunities.

670 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page